Funny Ways to Answer the Phone without Being Rude

Are you looking for innovative and humorous ways to take calls? One of the best ways to liven up talks with the folks you speak to on a daily basis is to replace the standard "How do you do?" question with a hilarious phrase. They can also be a funny way to stop the spam calls that seem to come in at all hours of the day.

A clever introduction can make an average conversation into a fun experience, whether it's with friends, family, or coworkers. These amusing phone welcomes, which range from unusual call jokes to sharp comebacks, will make anyone question what's going on, and that's part of the fun.

This article provides over 60 funny ways to answer the phone. Let's start laughing!

Funny Conversation Starters

Who said picking up the phone should be dull? Not us! People who like jokes and don't take things too seriously are a wonderful fit for using funny phone answering techniques. Fun personalities are adored by people. Long after your conversation is over, someone can still remember it because of a witty line.

Here are some funny conversation starters that will make you giggle and make the caller laugh.

1. If you were a vegetable, what would you be and why is it definitely a potato?
2. What is the most useless talent you have that you are strangely proud of?
3. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends assume you did?
4. If animals could talk, which species do you think would be the most annoying?
5. What is the most embarrassing song currently on your "guilty pleasure" music playlist?
6. If you had to be haunted by a ghost, which celebrity would you choose?
7. If you were a cereal brand, what would the prize inside the box be?
8. What is the absolute worst advice you have ever actually followed through with?
9. If you could replace the "hello" greeting with any other word, what would it be?
10. What is the most ridiculous thing you have ever convinced someone was actually true?

Funny Ways to Answer Spam Calls

Spam calls are the worst, let's be honest. When it comes to spam calls, they never seem to quit calling once they start. These calls continuously disturb our lives, whether it's a voice message saying you've won a cruise to the Bahamas or an unknown number from halfway across the nation. But that doesn't mean we can't enjoy ourselves a little.

Here are a few entertaining and creative approaches to handling spam calls:

1. "Hello, this is the FBI Fraud Division; are you calling to turn yourself in today?"
2. "Welcome to the Pizza Palace and Crematorium; where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"
3. "Hello, is this the person who finally found my missing pet dragon, Barnaby?"
4. "It's done, but there's blood everywhere; where am I supposed to hide the body?"
5. "You've reached the City Morgue; you kill 'em, we chill 'em, how can I help you?"
6. "Dad? Did you finally finish getting the milk after being gone for twenty long years?"
7. "I’ve been expecting your call, but the spirits told me you would call much earlier."
8. "Please stay on the line while we triangulate your position for our local authorities."
9. "Welcome to the circus; are you calling about the opening for the professional clown?"
10. "I'm sorry, I can't talk right now because I am currently being abducted by aliens."

Short Funny Phone Greetings for Work

Use a quick joke to keep things simple and crisp. The time and tone of your greetings are crucial when using short, snappy exchanges for work. Maintain a high level of enthusiasm while avoiding hurrying through your greeting to achieve the desired humorous effect. Don't forget to analyze and prepare several options based on the caller.

Try these quick and funny ones on your next work call.

1. "Hello, you've reached [Name]; please leave a message so I can decide if I'm actually at my desk."
2. "Welcome to the office; please state your business and your favorite snack for priority service."
3. "You've reached [Name]'s desk; I am currently busy pretending to be incredibly busy right now."
4. "Thanks for calling; if I don't answer, it's because I'm busy looking for the good stapler."
5. "Hi! If this is about the Friday afternoon meeting, I am already mentally on my weekend break."
6. "Thanks for calling [Company]; if you hear typing, it's just me looking for a reason to help."
7. "Thanks for calling; please leave a message if you promise not to ask me for any favors today."
8. "You have reached the department of 'Everything is a Priority'; please hold while I flip a coin."
9. "Hi, this is [Name]; please speak after the beep if you are prepared for a very vague answer."
10. "Welcome to [Company]; if you're looking for the boss, I haven't seen them since last Tuesday."

Clever Phone Greetings

Adding a little humour to your phone conversations can be a nice surprise that creates a relaxed, fun environment. Before the conversation even starts, clever call greetings can turn an ordinary ring into a moment that makes people laugh. These funny phone greetings work as memorable brand identities as well as icebreakers, whether they are used for personal or professional purposes.

1. "Hello, you've reached [Name]; I'm not here right now, but my voicemail is a very good listener."
2. "Hi! If you're calling to offer me a job or a pizza, please stay on the line; otherwise, leave a message."
3. "You've reached [Name]; please leave a message so I can screen this call and decide if I'm 'busy' later."
4. "Hello! I'm currently out of the office and into the wild; leave a message if it's worth coming back for."
5. "You've reached [Name]; if you are still using a phone to call people in this era, you are very retro."
6. "Hi! I’m busy ignoring my adult responsibilities right now, but leave a message and I’ll get back to you."
7. "You've reached [Name]; please leave a message and I will get back to you in three to five business years."
8. "Hello, you've reached the human voicemail; please state your business after you hear the sound of silence."
9. "Hi! I'm currently unavailable, but feel free to leave a message and I'll choose my own adventure later."
10. "You've reached [Name]; if this is an emergency, hang up and dial someone who is actually good in a crisis."

Funny Ways to Answer the Phone from Strangers

When a weird number calls, try a light-hearted greeting. When you know who's on the other end of the phone and you know they enjoy that kind of humour, save anything that might be sarcastic. If the call turns out to be important, stick to a little odd welcome that may be written off as a simple error.

Use one of these funny things to say on call or think of an opening statement that is all your own.

1. "I told you never to call this line again until the package was safely delivered to the drop zone!"
2. "Thank you for calling the Galactic Council; please state your planet of origin and purpose for calling."
3. "Hello, this is a human speaking into a handheld device; who are you and why are you interrupting my day?"
4. "Thank you for calling Brain Support; have you tried turning your ego off and on again to fix the issue?"
5. "Leave the money under the bridge and don't call me again until the heat from the precinct dies down."
6. "You've reached the regional squirrel sanctuary; are you calling to report a nut theft or a bushy tail?"
7. "What year is it, did the robots take over yet, and do we still use physical phones to communicate?"
8. "To continue this call in English, press one; for Elvish, please recite a poem about the morning sun."
9. "If this is the professional hitman I hired, you are late and the target has already escaped the building."
10. "The eagle has landed and the cheese is in the mouse trap; do you have the secondary verification code?"

Funny Ways to End a Phone Call

Come up with a clever joke to cut off a phone call. Give them a ridiculous reason to hang up if you want to wrap up a phone call with a bang. A good joke relies on surprise. If you want to end with a humorous goodbye, the more irrelevant the better. Keep your remarks succinct and impactful.

To end your phone calls in style, keep one of these closers on hand.

1. I have to go now; my cat just started a live stream and it is already going viral.
2. I would love to stay and chat, but my microwave just insulted my culinary skills.
3. I need to hang up because I am pretty sure my refrigerator is planning a coup.
4. I would keep talking, but my battery is at one percent and I live for the drama.
5. Gotta run; my goldfish is trying to tell me something incredibly important right now.
6. I will call you back later; I am currently in a high-stakes staring contest with a pigeon.
7. I should let you go before my phone realizes I am actually having a social life.
8. I have to hang up; I am fairly certain I left my common sense in the other room.
9. Talk to you later; I need to go figure out why my shadow is judging me so hard.
10. I have to run; the neighbor's lawn gnome just waved at me and I am officially spooked.
11. I am hanging up now so I can go back to being a massive disappointment in private.
12. Goodbye; I am going to go walk my imaginary dog before he gets restless and bites.

Comment “LOL” if you’ve tried any of these funny ways to answer the phone!

Read Next: 45+ Funny Out of Office Replies To Make Your Auto-Reply Stand Out

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. What are funny ways to answer the phone for family?

"Your favorite human speaking!" and "Welcome to the family hotline" are examples of family-friendly choices.

Q. What are funny ways to answer the phone without being rude?

Make light-hearted remarks such as "Hello, sunshine speaking!" or "You've arrived at happiness headquarters."

Q. Are funny ways to answer the phone appropriate at work?

Depending on the values of your job, traditional workplaces typically prefer professional greetings, while informal or creative offices could let it.